


Call Me Home

by fluffy_miracle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Awesome Bobby Singer, Castiel is Not Okay, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone Needs Therapy, Everything Hurts, Feelings, Gabriel (Supernatural) Lives, Gen, Healing, Hope, Human Jack, Hurt, Hurt Jack Kline, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Jack Kline Feels, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-14 16:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15392325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_miracle/pseuds/fluffy_miracle
Summary: With permission from UltimateFandomTrash, I wrote a little piece to comfort all my feelings from reading their glorious "Take Me To Church" verse.Basically this is about Sam calling out for Gabriel to help them all deal with the events that happened, between Dean being taken away by Michael, Sam being taken by Lucifer in front of Jack, and Sam and Jack nearly being murdered by Lucifer before Dean kills him. So many feelings and one, not-so-great-with-feelings resurrected archangel to try to help out.If you haven't read "Take Me to Church" and "Take Me Home," go do that first because they are that good.





	1. Devastation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UltimateFandomTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Take Me Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15148940) by [UltimateFandomTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/UltimateFandomTrash). 



_Gabriel, if you’re still alive— look, it’s Sam, you know, Winchester--- if it was just another trick— oh God, please let it have just been another trick. We just got him back. I just got him back. Dean-- Gabriel, please come back. We need your help… you’re an idiot, you know that? Come back, Gabriel… we, well, I miss you. I need your help…_

 

* * *

 

Gabriel was asleep. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep for, all he knew was that he was starting to come to.

“Wake up!” It was his voice, or maybe it was Loki’s. Gabriel really didn’t know much of anything right now, with darkness and grogginess pushing him down all at the same time. “Wake up!” His eyes snapped open against his will and he was dragged upright. Loki was in front of him, eyes gleaming with some trick up his sleeve.

“Loki.” Gabriel breathed, trying to make sense of this all. “You’re dead. I killed you.” Loki laughed, harsh and cold, the sound causing the archangel to flinch. He didn’t know where they were, but he could feel how his powers were absolutely useless.

“Loki’s dead.” The being retorted, cackling again. “And so are you. Loki…” the being scoffed, “I’ve been called many things, trickster archangel, but calling me the name of such a weak, pathetic creature is really an insult.” Gabriel’s stomach twisted at that. Whatever this thing was, insulting it was probably not the way to go. He touched his lips, reminding himself that they were unsewn. He could talk if he wished, but he probably shouldn’t. That was one lesson he had learned the best from Asmodeus. Gabriel shuddered at the thought of the monster who had fed off of him, who had tortured him, who had broken him. “You’re not as pathetic as Loki, archangel, but you’re weak.” The being studied him with his own eyes. “I just mirror all the weakness back to you.” He held up his hands.

“Why am I awake?” Gabriel took a moment to look around the empty blackness surrounding them. He was startled to realize how many of the faces and names he knew. “Where am I?”

“All angels go to heaven.” The being mocked. “Welcome to angel heaven. After a lifetime of mindless service, you get a mindless, eternal nap time.” Gabriel hated how this creature even sounded like him. “I woke you up because I have to send you back.”

“Why?” Gabriel jerked back. He had just stopped running. He had stood up for something, knowing he would die but the Winchesters, his nephew included, would get away from Michael before the portal shut.

“Because the world is unbalanced. One archangel left alive is unbalance.”

“You care about the world being balanced?” Gabriel scoffed.

“As much as you cared about stopping Michael.” Gabriel blanched at that response and the being laughed. “I see right through you, Gabriel. I’m almost more you than you. You sacrifice yourself quite easily when it’s Sam Winchester on the line.” Gabriel closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He would not think or speak of that hunter with this monster. “He prays to you while you sleep. He prays to God that this death is just another one of your tricks.”

“Stop.” Gabriel drew in a ragged breath he didn’t realize he needed. He was weak. It hurt to hear that Sam was calling to him and he hadn’t even heard. Shit had to be bad for Sam to want to talk to him. They must need him for something. Gabriel shook his head, trying to forget how softly Sam had spoken to him when he had been lost inside himself. He tried to forget that only Sam had been able to get through to him because it was Sam fucking Winchester and Gabriel cared so damn much what that kid, that tiny speck in the vast universe, thought of him. When Sam called, Gabriel came, even if Sam never saw him. And Gabriel had let him down one more time, just like with the vamps. Lucifer had been the one to save Sam, and Gabriel knew, although he didn’t know why, that Sam almost wished to be dead than to owe Lucifer his life.

“Lucifer’s dead.” The creature announced, just to see the shock on his face. “Dean said yes to Michael, so Sam could be free. Too bad the big brother duo got there a little too late for Sam’s ass.” Another heartless cackle as Gabriel’s stomach lurched at the implications. He glanced around for Lucifer’s body as a strange, helpless rage filled him. He wanted to desecrate what was left of his brother for all the times he had hurt Sam. Gabriel couldn’t say he cared for Sam, it was obvious to all that he only cared for himself. How could he say he cared for Sam if he let Sam get hurt all those times? “You know.” His face melted away to reveal awful, black, oozing nothingness. “I usually torment angels emotionally before I send them back, remind them of all their failures, but I kind of love I don’t have to do that with you— you’re already doing it!” He laughed. “And for Lucifer, he won’t be waking up ever, even if you want to torture him back to death. It’s time to wake up, Gabriel, it’s time to help someone other than yourself. Help me sleep by shutting that damn hunter and his prayers up!” The creature lunged at him before he could even ask what he meant. The emptiness swamped and surrounded him, and Gabriel found himself drowning in black ooze, choking on it until he passed out.

 

* * *

 

Sam woke up with a scream, a scream he turned to smother into his pillow. He was shaking, soaked with sweat and piss, and for a second, he thought there was something else in the midst. He hugged the pillow to his chest, balling it under his chin as he gulped down as much air as he could. He was just starting to calm down when there came a knock on the door.

“Sam?” It was Bobby. Shit. “You okay, son?” It was trippy for Sam having the other Bobby here. He was happy to have him around, but he missed their Bobby all the more for it. Maybe it was for the best. He didn’t want his Bobby to see him like this. He didn’t want his mother to see him like this. And Jack-- well, Jack really couldn’t see him any worse than he already had. Sam cursed Lucifer one more time, like he always did when his brain was set on remembering how Lucifer had tormented him, had taken him one last time.

“He’s dead.” Sam repeated over and over again softly. “He’s dead. He can’t hurt me ever again.” But Lucifer was still hurting him. Sam closed his eyes, trying to ignore the tears that slid down his cheeks.

“I’m fine!” He said gruffly just as Bobby knocked on the door again. “I just had a nightmare.”

“We all have nightmares, son.” Bobby said softly, but Sam heard him. “There’s no shame in that. I still have nightmares from my first angel attack. I have nightmares from just about every angel attack after. Trauma ‘s normal when you live through something that could have killed you.” Sam hiccupped, a laugh bubbling up, one stifled into the pillow. At least they were both having nightmares about angels. At least Bobby wasn’t judging him. “Jack’s worried about you. He won’t admit it, but I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. Never thought I’d feel bad for an angel kid, but watching him learn to be one of us about breaks my heart. His dad was a real dick, huh.”

“I’m his dad.” Sam said with more menace than he thought he had in him. “That asshole was the devil, what’d you expect?”

“We didn’t have a devil.” Sam could almost hear the old man’s shrug. “We had Michael.”

“I’m sorry.” And Sam was. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for all of them in the apocalypse world. It must have been like a big, giant Cage, with the Cage slowly getting smaller as the places they had known and loved, as well as the people, were slowly destroyed by Michael and his armies. And now their devil was wearing Dean.

“I’m sorry too, boy. For your nightmares.” Bobby added. It was a funny thing, talking to a copy of the better of the two fathers he had through a locked door.

“Hey, Bobby?” Sam was starting to peel himself out of bed, wrinkling up his nose at the smell.

“Sam.”

“Could you get me a bucket of water, a washcloth, and a towel?” Sam asked, struck by the wave of grief that hit every time he remembered Dean wasn’t there for him to ask for help. His big brother, who had tried to be there for him, was gone, trapped in his own body. That very thought caused Sam to shudder, blinking back more tears. He hoped Michael wasn’t as cruel as Lucifer had been.

“You okay?”

“I just need to clean up and I can’t-- I can’t handle leaving my room right now.” It was easier to admit to this Bobby, this stranger with his father’s face, than it would have been to admit to their Bobby.

“Sure thing. I’ll be right back.” Sam stripped the bed while he waited. There wasn’t anything he could do with the bed until after. He stepped out of his soaked sweatpants and boxers and put them in the pile of bedclothes too. He balled them all up and shoved them into a garbage bag. This seemed to have been the whole purpose of the damn dream and his lack of bladder control, to bare him from the waist down to remind him of all that Lucifer had taken from him that last time.

Bobby knocked at the door, telling him he’d leave the supplies by the door, and to holler if he wanted him to bring breakfast too. “Thanks, Bobby.” Sam managed weakly as he stared at the stuffed garbage bag on the floor. He washed quickly after retrieving the bucket of water and towel. He’d shower later to wash his hair. He just needed the smell off him so he could dress. First, he needed to feel covered and then maybe he would feel safe.

 

* * *

 

Jack stayed away from the bunker as much as he could while still living there. He needed to be near his father and his dad, but he had finally made the terrible connection that when Sam jumped or flinched near him, it was because Sam was scared that Jack would do the same awful things Lucifer had done to Sam. _Rape_ … how could Sam think he could do such an atrocity?! Especially to his strong, brave dad whom Jack loved with all of his heart. He would never hurt Sam like that. Jack knew Sam said they could talk about it, but Jack didn’t think he could have that conversation yet. It hurt too much. So he explored outside as much as he could, mapping out the land attached to the bunker as well as the surrounding woods. Sam and Castiel didn’t like it, they both said it wasn’t safe, but Jack knew Sam needed to feel safe too. So Jack gave his dad space and hoped they could both get past what happened in the church.

He was hiking through the woods, complete with hunter emergency pack that Sam made him bring, when he heard a rustling in the bushes. While he didn’t think Michael was hiding in the brush, he didn’t want to be caught unawares. He had never known fear like he had the day he became fully human. The emotions still threatened to swallow him whole: all the grief, terror, rage, and loss. Jack missed Dean. He missed how Dean completed their family. Dean cheered up Castiel and he kept Sam safe. Sam wouldn’t be so afraid of him if Dean was here.

What Jack really wanted was to get the terrible, awful thing Lucifer had done off his chest. He wanted to tell anyone at this point, just to get the heaviness off his chest and the burning chyme out of his throat. His nightmares were getting worse, sometimes he was taking part in Sam’s rape-- he choked out a broken sob at remembering that dream-- he had nearly broken his promise to Sam after that morning. Did he have the capacity for such evil inside of him? Jack shook his head, wiping away the hot tears that streamed down his cheeks. Lucifer didn’t think so, otherwise he wouldn’t have tried to kill him. That was about the only comfort Jack could draw from that day. If he was evil, he wasn’t evil enough for Lucifer to claim him as son. Instead, he had the best damn dads in the whole world: Sam, Dean, and Castiel. They loved him and they saw the good in him. Even if he couldn’t right now.

“Jack?” Jack backed up as quickly as he could as a ghost wearing his uncle’s face stepped out from behind trees. “Jack!” Gabriel looked and sounded relieved to see him, hurrying forward. But Gabriel was dead, dead like Lucifer.

“You’re dead.” Jack’s brow furrowed. “Sam saw you die.” Gabriel slowed his approach, sensing Jack’s anxiety.

“I was dead.” Gabriel nodded. He looked tired, almost worn out. Jack saw as he kept clutching his chest as if he was hurting. “I was sent back.” He coughed hard, hacking out a piece of black ooze that he spat out. “The Empty sent me back.”

“Why?”

“He wanted Sam to stop praying to me.”

“Why?” Jack cocked his head. He didn’t understand what Gabriel was talking about, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He had learned the hard way that archangels were not very good teachers.

“The Empty likes to sleep. Prayers seem to keep him up.” Gabriel shrugged stiffly. “Kid, I’m not really sure how it all works. I’m not like your dad, I don’t have to have the answers for everything.” Jack bristled.

“Sam and Dean are my dads.”

“Like I said, I don’t have to have the answers for everything.” Gabriel smirked and Jack tried to smile back but it came out wrong. Jack could feel himself cracking; he was starting to break down. He was going to shatter, and thank God, he was human or else he’d hurt Gabriel too. “Whoa, whoa, what’s wrong, kid?” Gabriel stepped forward and Jack pitched forward into his uncle’s arms.

“E-everything is wrong!” Jack wept, protested, and grieved simultaneously, curling up against his uncle for comfort. Gabriel was sturdy, softer than his dads, but still safe. Jack barely had any of Castiel’s grace left, could barely sense Gabriel, but he sensed enough to let himself relax. “Lucifer and Michael made everything wrong.”

“I thought Lucifer was dead.” Gabriel cocked his head in turn and Jack burst out sobbing, telling the whole sordid tale in length, everything Lucifer had done, everything Lucifer had made him watch, and how he had tried to save Sam, but failed. “Shh, shh, you’re so brave. You did so good. I’m proud of you. Your dads are so proud of you.” Gabriel was comforting him now, kneeling on the ground, cradling his nephew to his chest. If Jack had taken after Lucifer, this wouldn’t be a thing, but thank Chuck, Jack took after Sam, Dean, and Cas. “Take me home, Jack. I’ll help make things right.”


	2. Destination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, the feedback for this fic has been so humbling. Thank you all so much! <3
> 
> Secondly, I know I originally posted it to be in two parts, but now there will be a third chapter as the final chapter. Three big conversations coming up in the last: Sam and Jack, Sam and the Bunker inhabitants, and of course, Sam and Gabriel.

Sam had finally made it out of his room and to the bathroom. He washed up quickly, scrubbing himself down roughly to remove any memories of Lucifer’s touch washing over him. He wasn’t Lucifer’s, to do whatever he wished with, Lucifer was dead. Sam turned his attention to his hair, washing, conditioning, rinsing, before he was turning off the warm water and stepping out of the shower. He glanced at himself in the mirror and frowned. His skin was red from where he had scrubbed too hard, tender and almost broken. He saw how he held himself, hunched over, still trying to shield his body from a dead archangel who never took no for an answer.

“Sam?” His mother rapped her knuckles on the door. “Sam, are you finished in there?”

“What is it?” He called, drying quickly now, so he could put his clothes back on. He shuddered, pulling the flannel a little tighter around himself. He said a silent prayer under his breath to the one being he thought might be able to help.

_Gabriel, please don’t be dead._

 It didn’t change anything, but it made Sam feel a little better just praying it. Sam didn’t know what else to pray anymore. Originally, he had hoped it was just a trick and that Gabriel would come bouncing through the door, but when weeks passed after the last showdown with Lucifer in the church, Sam gave up hope of Gabriel even being alive. He prayed all the same, finding some odd comfort in sending up prayers to the kindest archangel they had met.

Gabriel had been real. Sam had seen his brokenness, his masks, his terror, his courage, and his justice. He had seen how Gabriel would rather laugh his way through terrible happenings than to face what was really going on. And Sam had seen how Gabriel would try to protect those he cared about, even if it came sort of unnaturally to him at this point. Sam wanted Gabriel back. He wanted to tell him what had happened in the church and what had happened afterwards-- how his own adopted son would rather risk death than be in the same bunker as him. Sam just knew Gabriel wouldn’t laugh.

“You need to come downstairs.” Mary sounded serious. “Gabriel’s back. I’ve run all the tests on him, it’s really him, he said he was sent back for you.”

“W-what?” Sam’s voice cracked and he swallowed hard, closing his eyes. It was odd how the joy rushed into his chest, mingled with shame. Gabriel knew. Gabriel knew his secret because Sam had told him while he slept, dead, and finally at peace. Sam had woken him up. He was back.

“Sam, are you okay?” Mary sounded worried. Sam cussed softly before he pulled the door open, shoving his wet hair behind his ears.

“I’m fine. Hell, this is the best news we’ve had in weeks.” Sam pushed past her gently. He couldn’t bear her inquiry. She couldn’t know. He couldn’t handle facing her after she knew how weak and powerless he had been, all those countless times. He couldn’t even protect Jack from witnessing his own defilement… Jack had seen him enjoy it. Sam’s cheeks were flushed with shame as he walked away, hurrying down the hall to see the newly resurrected archangel with his own eyes. Before he woke up to find it was just another nightmare…  
  


* * *

 

“Sam!” Gabriel stood up as soon as he saw the hunter come out of the hallway. Sam seemed off, although given all that Gabriel had heard, that was to be expected. Sam’s cheeks were flushed and Gabriel could practically see the shame rolling off of him in waves of self-loathing.

“Gabriel.” Sam sounded a little breathless when he said the archangel’s name, staring down at him in happiness and disbelief. Gabriel would have been flattered if he wasn’t so concerned about the tall hunter. Sam seemed physically well, as much as Gabriel had seen when he scanned him carefully. But Gabriel knew from experience that emotional and mental injuries took a lot longer to heal than physical ones. He didn’t know why he had expected to see Sam hurt, maybe it had something to do with Jack sobbing about all the blood and how Sam wouldn’t let Castiel heal him. “You’re really here?” Sam blinked as he tried to assure himself and Gabriel stepped right up to him, holding a hand out.

“I’m here, Sam.” Gabriel replied, trying to comfort the hunter without spooking him.”Your prayers brought me back.”

“How?”

“You annoyed the being in charge so much that he made me your problem instead of his.” Gabriel shrugged, dropping the hand that Sam hadn’t taken. Sam let out a soft sound that Gabriel had to look up to see was joy.

“You’re not a problem.” Sam was quick to assure him, and boy, didn’t that make Gabriel’s heart feel just a little lighter.

“Really?” Gabriel asked with a happy smile, his face expressing his shock. “I haven’t been the best ally. I’m kind of a selfish tool.” He shrugged, acting as if it didn’t bother him that he was that way. If he could change, he would.

“Gabriel,” Sam reached over, squeezing his shoulder instead of pulling Gabriel into the hug he had expected, “I’m happy you’re here.”

“Did you need my help with anything?” He asked, clearly expecting a catch. Sam did need his help, but not like that, not like Gabriel was something to be used.

“Yea.” Sam’s dimple peeked out. “I need you here.” Mary’s eyebrows rose as she exchanged a look with Bobby who held back a guffaw. Jack smiled, seeing how his dad’s shoulders weren’t as tense as they had been ever since the day Lucifer had hurt him. Sam’s smile was soft, and there was clearly affection in his gaze on Jack’s uncle’s face. Did Sam like Gabriel? Did he want to have sex with him? Real sex, not rape sex.

Sam’s face blanched and Gabriel laughed more out of surprise than amusement, ducking under Sam’s arm and wrapping it around his shoulder before the hunter could flee. He nuzzled into Sam’s chest and Sam relaxed marginally, his face still reflecting a mixture of horror and shock. Jack’s smile turned to a look of horror as he realized he had asked those questions out loud. He covered his face, blinking back tears, before he fled the bunker once more.

“Jack!” Sam called after him but the now human was already gone.

“Should I?” Castiel offered to go after him, but Sam shook his head.

“I’ve been letting him sneak off too much.” Sam sighed. “I’ve been trying to give him space, but it’s time we talked.”

“He’s carrying a lot on those little shoulders.” Gabriel added. “Sam, he thinks you think he’d—“ Gabriel dropped off. “He’s afraid you think he wants to hurt you like Lucifer hurts people.” That was a diplomatic way of putting it. “He’s been leaving so much so you could feel safe.” Sam’s heart clenched at the archangel’s words. He had know deep down inside that Jack had kept leaving because of him, but hadn’t wanted to confront Jack. He hadn’t wanted to admit the fear that ran so deep, fear that had nothing to do with Jack but the bastard who sired him and didn’t deserve to ever call him son. When Jack had said he’d help Lucifer, Sam had believed him for a moment, had his heart splinter into a thousand pieces as he thought one of his worst fears had been realized. And then… he couldn’t even describe what had been going through his mind when Lucifer had actually forced Jack to watch some of the Cage’s greatest hits.

“I’m going to go after him.” Sam said, moving towards the door. “I’m going to go get my son.” The Bunker was Jack’s home as much as it was Sam’s. They were going to find a way for this to work between them. As much as Sam didn’t want to tell the other occupants about what had happened, he knew things had to change for him and Jack to be able to get past what happened in the church. The physical injuries had healed quickly, but the emotional and mental scars were going to take a lot more work.

Sam couldn’t keep sweeping stuff under the rug and hoping it went away on it’s own. As hard as it would be to deal with all that Lucifer had done, he needed to face it head on for Jack’s sake. He needed to face what had happened to him for his own sake.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Sam was gone, Castiel turned to his brother. Gabriel tensed, expecting a lecture, but instead Castiel pulled him into a fierce hug. Gabriel let him cling to him for a few long minutes, wrapping his arms around him in turn. Castiel released him with a shuddering sigh, stepping back.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Gabriel. We’ve been trying to hold it together and failing miserably. Without Dean…” Castiel trailed off, pursing his lips together. Mary stepped up next to him, resting her arm on his shoulder in a familiar gesture of comfort. Gabriel noticed how Castiel leaned into her touch. The sorrow in Castiel’s blue eyes was clear. “Sam and Jack are trying, but I can’t escape the feeling they’re hiding something.”

“Sam didn’t tell you?” Gabriel blurted out. He didn’t know why he was surprised, Sam was a Winchester through and through, but he had thought that maybe for Jack’s sake he would be a little more transparent.

“How do you know?” Castiel’s brow furrowed.

“Sam prayed and Jack told me the whole awful thing in the woods.” Gabriel wrinkled up his nose.

“What is it?” Mary asked, dread evident on her features.

“I can’t say.” Gabriel shook his head. “It has to come from Sam.” Gabriel shivered. He couldn’t think about it too long or he’d go supernova. Good thing he was still too weak to supernova. Or bad, considering how he wanted to track down Michael and shatter him, piece of grace by piece of grace, to bring Dean back to his loved ones. Dean’s absence was acutely felt, even by Gabriel, the odd duck out. “Lucifer tortured them both, that’s all I can say.” Castiel nodded.

“I healed Jack, I saw the extent of his physical injuries.” The disgust at Lucifer’s actions was evident in the tone of Castiel’s voice. “Sam wouldn’t let me heal him.” The helplessness slipped out and Gabriel squeezed his elbow. He wanted nothing more to gather up this lost group and gather them up like a mother bird gathers her brood. Odd, seeing how he usually wasn’t the comforting team player type. Maybe, just maybe, Gabriel could change.

 

* * *

 

“Jack!” Sam ran after his son, swiping the branches out of his face and away from his hair. He stumbled over a root, catching himself on the nearest tree before he fell. “Jack!” He tried calling again, glancing around the forest wildly. “Jack, I’m sorry.” It was almost a prayer, a plea for forgiveness. He had hurt his son in his attempt to protect himself.

He ran on, determined to find Jack before it was too late to fix what he had accidentally done.


	3. Declaration

Jack hugged his knees to his chest as he tried frantically to catch his breath. His mind was racing faster than his heart, so fast that Jack thought that maybe he should just lie down and die. He was human. He could do that now. He had been so close at the church, he knew that now, yet Sam had worked so hard to save him.

“Sam.”

Jack sobbed his dad’s name out as rain began to fall from the sky in fat, heavy drops. He missed Sam. He missed Dean. He just wanted to have them all back together again. He wanted his family. He wanted to be around his family without worrying about if what he said or did would break it. Jack wished that Michael and Lucifer had never come back from apocalypse world. He wished they had stayed back there and died.

“Jack!” Sam squinted through the underbrush to see his son squeezing his knees to his chest under an old, gnarled oak tree. The rain was coming down hard, and the last thing Sam needed was Jack getting sick. He couldn’t lose Jack too.

“Sam?” Jack croaked, wiping at his eyes. He didn’t get up, still shivering under the tree, looking so much like he had when Sam had first met him: lost, confused, and scared.

“I’m here, Jack, I’m here.” Sam crawled under the low hanging branches to make it to where Jack was. He sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder and pulling him close. Jack folded, pressing his face into Sam’s side, cold fingers wrapping around his flannel. His shoulders shook with heart-wrenching sobs and Sam just sat there with him, letting him cry, letting himself be the support Jack needed.

“I’m sorry.” Jack whispered finally, after his sobs had subsided and his shaking was merely from cold. Sam didn’t know how long they had been out there, he just knew they were wet, cold, and ironically right where they needed to be. They needed to talk, to get this all out in the open.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I told Gabriel and then I asked about sex in front of them all.” Jack pressed his face even further into Sam’s shirt, trying to hide away.

“It’s okay.” Sam soothed, rubbing Jack’s arm. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“Why?” Jack straightened up a little to peer up at Sam, still leaning into his dad’s embrace. Sam was wet and cold too, shivering slightly as he gnawed on his lip ever so slightly. Jack loved Sam. He didn’t think he could love his dad anymore and then Sam ran after him and held him even when Jack didn’t think he would. Sam had a knack for knowing what Jack needed and making sure he had it. “I love you.” Jack blurted just as Sam had been about to apologize and explain everything. Sam looked surprised, but touched and he held Jack a little tighter.

“I love you too.” He murmured. “I’m sorry I made you keep a secret you never should have had to keep. You did right by telling your uncle.” Jack could feel the warmth of his tears sliding down his chilled cheeks as Sam’s words assuaged the guilt he had been carrying inside. “What happened in the church, with Lucifer,” Sam sighed, “it wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t my fault. It was Lucifer’s fault. And when we get back to the bunker, I’m going to tell everyone what really happened.” Sam shivered again and Jack wondered if it was just the cold or fear of what everyone would think.

“You’re the bravest, best dad.” Jack declared and Sam huffed out a small laugh.

“I’m flattered you think so. I try to be a good dad. I didn’t do so well making you keep a secret that was hurting you.”

“It’s okay.” Jack meant it. Things felt fixed between them. He felt safe for Sam to be around again. He felt safe in his position in the family again. He might be a Kline, but he was still a Winchester, through and through. “I wanted to help.” Sam smiled, glancing out through the heavy rain. Jack followed his gaze and forced himself to stand, helping Sam up too. “Let’s go home.” He said. Sam nodded, his face thoughtful.

“Let’s.”

 

* * *

 

When the two returned, they were split up. Castiel and Mary took Jack to dry him off and to help him get warm. Castiel was also there to ensure that Jack didn’t get sick. Gabriel went with Sam, trailing at a distance until the hunter stopped and waited patiently for the archangel to catch up.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Sam said softly, so softly that Gabriel nearly missed it.

“Thanks for having me.” Gabriel smiled cautiously. He didn’t want to push Sam, didn’t want to hurt him instead of help him. Sam gave him a small smile back before he ducked inside of his room to fetch a new change of clothes. He sneezed once inside and Gabriel shot him a worried glance.

“I’m fine.” Sam said cooly, defensive already. He paused, realizing how he had just sounded. “Sorry.” His shoulders sagged as he came through the doorway. “I’m trying this whole ‘no secrets, we’re all family,’ and it’s not coming as easily as I thought it would.”

“Yea, it sounds awful.” Gabriel nodded and Sam laughed, fidgeting with the clothes in his arms.

“Can you wait back with the others?”

“Of course.” Gabriel took a step back, taking in the relief evident on Sam’s face. “Oh, Sam? I know you’re not ready for any kind of sexual relationship with anyone.” Sam gave him an unreadable look as he paused by the bathroom door. He looked cornered, like he wanted to run but also wanted to hear what Gabriel had to say. “But, uh, if you ever did want to have sex with me,” Gabriel gave him his biggest, most award-winning smile, “I would only have the not rape kind of sex with you.”

“Thanks, Gabriel.” Another flash of dimple before Sam ducked his head down, hair falling down, as he retreated into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

 

* * *

 

About an hour later, after everyone was warm, dry, and dressed, after everyone had a bit of time to pull themselves together, they all gathered around the war table as Dean always called it. Those in attendance to the family meeting: Mary, Jack, Castiel, Bobby, Sam, and Gabriel. Sam had a pinched expression on his face as he tried to control his anxiety as he sat down at the head of the table. Gabriel sat next to him, boldly reaching over and squeezing Sam’s hand in a show of comfort and a hint of something else, that he was a person in Sam’s life from whom comfort could be given. It was a claim and a hope, a promise too.

Sam glanced over with a tight smile, his fingers closing around Gabriel’s in a quick squeeze.

“Thank you all for coming.” Sam started out. His skin was pale and where his hand gripped the table, his knuckles were white. “I’d like to start out with an apology,” he looked over at Jack who was looking at him with so much love and belief that Sam promised himself he’d live up to how his son saw him, starting with telling the truth, “I didn’t tell you all that happened with Lucifer and I made Jack promise not to tell either. I shouldn’t have done that. I was hurting Jack and myself by not letting either of us reach out to those who love us most and who can help us hopefully get past this someday.” Sam sighed and Gabriel sent a tendril of grace through their still connected hands to soothe the hunter’s troubled soul.

Sam stiffened in surprise, but allowed the spiritual touch, accepting the precious gift. Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched the all but imperceptible exchange, keeping his mouth shut but storing that information away for later. Sam opened his mouth to continue, and Castiel chose to focus on that instead. Sam and Gabriel would tell them when they were ready. “I-I was raped.” Sam flinched as he said the words, visibly bracing himself. “Lucifer—“ he broke off, swallowing hard. Gabriel’s hand felt like it was in a vice grip, Sam was gripping him so hard.

Sam faced his family, trying not to cry in front of them even as his eyes filled with tears. “It wasn’t the f-first time.” He blinked rapidly, glancing over at Gabriel who squeezed his hand again. Sam sucked in a hard breath. “He made Jack watch— he made— h-he fucking— he fucking tried to pass it off as sex ed—“ Sam couldn’t continue. He was going to puke if he didn’t stop talking, he couldn’t stop shaking, and his tears were spilling down his rough cheeks. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking down. “I’ve got to—“ he pulled free of Gabriel’s fingers, shoving his chair back, and rushing for the bathroom where he emptied his stomach inside the toilet.

“It doesn’t feel like it now,” Mary was there, stroking his hair back out of his face, “but it will get better. And I’m here for you, we are all here for you and for Jack, and we will all get through this together.” Sam wiped his mouth, reaching up to flush the toilet. He was afraid to look at her, but when he did, he saw nothing but love.

“Mom.” He croaked, shifting towards her. Mary pulled him close, cradling him as much as she could as he held on to her arm with his hand.

“It will get better, Sam.” Mary promised, a fierceness in her eyes and her voice. “You were so brave. Thank you for telling us. Thank you for trusting us—“ her voice hitched, “I wish I had known, I wish I could have helped.”

“You are. You are.” Sam sniffled, pressing closer into his mother’s arms for the comfort he had missed most of his life. She was proof of what they could get back. She was proof that they still had a chance to get Dean back. Sam glanced over to see the outline of Gabriel’s face as he waited outside the door. From here, it looked like he was guarding them while giving them privacy. Sam hid his smile into his mother’s shirt. Gabriel was proof too. And for the first time, in a long time, Sam really had hope that things could get better, for him, for them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it! I cried a little finishing this chapter. Hope you all enjoyed this little fanfic of a fanfic. Thanks for coming along!


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